Stop Playing the Victim, Start Leading the Ship

There is a moment in every leader’s life where the line blurs between responsibility and resentment.

We tell ourselves stories. Stories about how much we’re carrying. Stories about how no one sees what we do. Stories about why we can’t move forward until conditions change. They feel justified. They may even be true.

A sailor guide his ship forward.

But the hard truth is that leadership isn't about being right, it’s about being responsible. It's about doing what we say we are going to do and being whoever it is we need to be to accomplish that.

I found myself recently cataloging every demand in my life—business, family, community—and quietly hoping someone would recognize how much I was doing. In that moment, I wasn’t a captain of my own vessel. I was a victim along for a ride. A martyr of my own choices.

The temptation to play the victim is powerful because it feels good to be right. But being right doesn’t direct the ship. Ownership does.

General Eisenhower once said, “The search for a scapegoat is the easiest of all hunting expeditions.” It’s also the most unproductive. When we hunt for sympathy, recognition, or excuses, we abandon the helm.

The shift is simple but not easy:

• From “look how much I’m doing” to “what do I choose to do next?”

• From “no one sees me” to “I see myself and I’ll hold myself accountable.”

• From “I signed up for this, do I get to complain?” to “I signed up for this, now I get to lead.”

Victimhood keeps us trapped in circles of justification. Ownership gives us the freedom to act. And action—decisive, deliberate action—is what breaks the funk and restores momentum.

When leaders choose ownership over victimhood, clarity follows. Energy follows. Respect follows. Not because the burden disappears, but because the burden becomes a banner.

The sea will never calm for us. But the ship still needs a captain. Start leading the ship.