What If You’re Not Failing—You’re Growing?

For three days, I didn’t journal. I didn’t work out. I didn’t wake up early. And I felt the usual reaction begin to rise: shame, disappointment, and that hard inner voice whispering, you failed again.

Split ways of being.

But something else happened too. I caught myself. I noticed the draw toward negative self talk and, instead, started to question these dis-empowering thoughts.

I spent those three days with my youngest daughter. This initially felt like an excuse offered up as a sacrifice. One-on-one time. Play, attention, and presence. A thin excuse, "I wasn't discipline because I was spending time with my daughter." I can pick it apart just as easily as I can find joy in the reflection of the time we spent together. So, I thought—can both be true?. I was not consistent. But I didn’t miss the moment.

That realization opened something up for me- you're not failing you're growing.

Within my own mind, I have a preference to live in the binary. Right or wrong. On track or off. Tough or weak. But life doesn’t care about our categories. It lives in the tension. And the truth is, shame has never made me more consistent. It’s made me less joyful, less curious, and ultimately less likely to keep trying.

When I allow myself to say “both are true,” something changes. Instead of beating myself up, I see opportunity. Opportunity to grow my capacity, to integrate my discipline into my joy, to become someone who can hold presence and performance together.

Oddly I come out of that thought exercise sensing strength. A new optimism created where, up until now, pessimism lived. I get to be better vs. I wasn't good enough. It’s choosing to lead myself with honesty and compassion, not just willpower and critique.

What would happen if you stopped trying to be perfect and started trying to become whole?

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